Okay, so I am home in my lunch break and I have tears streaming down my face over something gorgeous that the Writer wrote in his journal and I have about 15 minutes to pull myself together before I need to drive to my school but that's never going to happen if I keep re-reading it...

I'm sorry I was being weird last night, honey (you missed your cue to tell me not to be crap, by the way). I could tell you that I was tired, which is true but really not an issue where you're concerned. I could tell you that it takes more than a day to bounce back out of the pit I was in on Wednesday morning, that even though I am better I am still a bit tender and liable to be upset about little things... yes, that might be a part of it.

I think mostly though it's the fact that there was a time not so long ago that you would arrive on my doorstep in the wee small hours, knowing that there was no time to hang out, talk, fuck, no time to do anything except sleep... and it was still worth it to you to come here, just to sleep beside me and to be the first thing I see in the morning.

I agree that it is better that we spend a little time apart every now and then, it is far healthier for both of us not to allow ourselves to become too absorbed in this, especially since it seems to affect me so much... not healthy, not good.

I guess it just saddens me a little. The fact that we're rational enough now to be sensible... I kind of like the initial stages of love that is so far from rational because it is so intense and new and... I know what I'm trying to say but not doing such a good job of it. I know well enough that this first stage can't last, and it's not even that I want it to continue because it can be very draining... it just makes me sad that it's over so soon, that's all. End of the beginning.

And... on Sunday I go away for three days... then I'll be back for three, but then gone again for another eight maybe... so I guess I'd rather not be choosing to spend time apart just now when there is lots of time coming up where we are not going to have the choice to make, see? And it was the second time this week... I don't know. Just seemed like an odd choice to make... and I know you assured me on the phone that nothing had changed (I can't remember what you said on the phone through my sleep fog, but I think it was something to that effect) but it has, a bit. Just need to get used it it.

I should give up trying to explain my emotions, it always comes off rather lame. I am being very, very lame... I cringe at my lameness. But that's all it was. I missed you, that's all.

Before After

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