So I�fm in Japan now, and so far a lot of it is a bit like that movie �eLost in Translation�f, except perhaps a little less frenetic as I am not in Tokyo, but in Takasaki, with a population of only about 250,000. I�fve been feeling lonely. I haven�ft met too many other foreigners so far (apparently there�fs only about 50 in town) but the ones I have met all seem to have this real party mentality, which I find a little hard to take because I�fm not really into that�c so what am I into? I mean, I�fm not here to have sex with every other gaijin in town, what am I here for? Who in their right mind comes to the other side of the world with a boyfriend back home? Most of the people here are looking for something, if I�fm not looking for that then what am I looking for?

It�fs strange, but I didn�ft really feel lonely at all until I moved into my apartment yesterday and I was setting up house�c alone. Without the Boy. So last night there was a teary phone call, which I really shouldn�ft have done because I don�ft have my phone card yet, and I think he�fs probably wondering the same thing, why did I come here if I am so upset to be here?

It�fs been okay, most of the time. I�fve been busy, I am trying to get my head around a new home, new job, new town, new language�c I am exhausted and I think I am coming down with a cold. I am having to work hard to remember that I wasn�ft happy in Brisbane either�c I wasn�ft happy, but at least it was familiar. At the same time, I don�ft necessarily believe in �ebetter the devil you know�c�f. It may have been familiar, but right now I�fd be doing another year at uni, and I�fd be spending another night with the Boy wondering if I am in the right place. I love the Boy, I really do, but we still had our moments�c there were major ups and downs and I am still not 100% sold that we are going to make it�c right now I am missing him like mad, but I did when I was in Adelaide for the first week, I was doing okay by the second. I know I�fve just to hang in there, but right now things are so different and sometimes it�fs a lot of effort to adjust to this new life and I really just wish I could come home and have him hold me while I tell him all about it.

It�fs only like the fourth day or something crazy like that. I think sometimes I�fm a little unrealistic, I expect everything to work out straight away�c this is a hell of a big adjustment, it�fs going to take a while to all fall into place. I came here to find something different, of course I am way out of my comfort zone.

The other teacher from Brisbane seems to be doing so well, and I think that�fs getting to me a little bit too. I really like her, although I�fm not sure whether we�fd be friends in a normal situation, we�fve kind of been thrown together though. She�fs a very outgoing, social person (although not in the whole party-hard thing, thankfully) and she seems to be getting along brilliantly with the other gaijin and the locals alike, as well as seemingly having a much better memory for all the new places and words�c I�fm suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex. I feel like the inevitable comparisons between the two of us will definitely favour her. She�fs had more teaching experience than I have too and I can�ft help but think that she�fs probably going to be way better at the job than I will too.

Ah, the job. Yes, I�fve been having a bit of a panic about that one too�c I mean, what the hell am I getting into? I don�ft know how to think on my feet, and what the hell would I know about planning lessons? I guess after the first day yesterday I am feeling a little better about that since I now know a bit more about the job, but I still don�ft know how I�fm going to go when I�fm standing in front of a roomful of kids�c

The homesickness and worries aside though, there have been a lot of fun and good things happening�c this entry sounds like the whole experience has been completely terrible but most of the time I have been enjoying myself a lot, as long as I keep busy the loneliness has not really been bothering me. It won�ft be long before I remember what it�fs like to be alone again and I�fll be doing fine. Anyway, most of the good stuff is written about in my other, family friendly journal where I am writing about the whole Japan experience in a lot more detail, so if you want that address drop me an email or a guestbook entry and I will pass it on.

Before After

© Blueshoe 1999-2005