Hi! I'm in Sydney, on a net cafe computer that makes this type almost unbearably small... what's with that?

So in the fair Olympic city, which thankfully I shall be far from when the Olympics begin, I am here on a Wednesday, being exactly six weeks since I drove through the city at 11pm on my way back to Adelaide. It hasn't been very long at all.

There have been parts of this travelling that have worn me terribly, but I am enjoying it now more than ever, knowing that in about four days I have to rejoin the real world, and make some decisions I've been putting off.

I think I'm with Winona, reality bites.

I never mentioned my parallel park in my last update... I really must, because I am so proud of it...

I was forced to perform a reverse parallel park in Melbourne city, there were no parks and the only one available required this of me... I've avoided ever having to do one since I passed it in my driving test. Ugh. Hate em.

This park, it was a thing of beauty... I only just stopped short of taking a photograph of it, it was so unbelieveably perfect.

Ah... who da man? :)

I was at odds with Melbourne for the first day or two, but by the time I left, I felt quite at home. Probably because I was so taken with the arts complex :)

I took off on my own on Saturday afternoon, A was still feeling rather under the weather. I had a whole afternoon of touristy type things planned, but silly me, I started off at the Arts Centre... and never left.

That artist in me just won't die, no matter how hard or often I try to kill her off... perhaps I should stop resisting? :)

'm back to Plan A, which was to work like crazy for six months and then start studies again next year... that plan now had an appendix. I'm looking at doing two postgrad courses now... I remembered about a rather interesting little number at VCA, a Grad Dip in Choreography... and since I ended up doing so well in comp... it's worth a thought, I think.

I ended up wandering around the area for hours, all around Southgate, the Arts Centre, VIc College of the Arts, the Australian Ballet Centre... all topped off with a ince cheap student ticket to see the Royal New Zealand Ballet, and gyoza for dinner. A pretty darn good day.

A and her parents spoiled me silly while I stayed there... really, they didn't need to, I just felt hapy to be sleeping in a clean bed :)

Sunday was another beautiful sunny day (the good weather is following me too, it's perfect here in Sydney too...

french toast for breakfast, a visit to Monash Uni foe Open Day (might as well check it out while I was here... was quite good) and yum cha, then a stroll along St Kilda Esplanade in the afternoon...

And all amongst this and in between it, A and I talked. More than anything, we talked, meandering a while around our minds... we would decide to go to bed, then be up for another hour talking with me in the doorway and her on the staircase. We talked about so much, and yet there was still so much to say... I could have stayed forever. There is something which I think is maybe an underlying similarity... we are both 20 year olds who probably, generally speaking, relate better to people slightly older than ourselves. It is strange to talk to someone my own age who seemed to feel as old as I do.

Monday afternoon we were still talking when I decided really should leave, though I didn't want to leave the endless comfortable conversation.

In the doorway as I walked away, A looked tiny. From a strangers point of view, her age could be hard to determine, she seems sometimes very old, and very young all at once. She could almost appear fragile, but I know she's not. She's very strong... and in the space of a few months, I consider her a good friend... and I'm sure I'll continue to have a place in her collection of artists :)

Monday's drive was almost excruciatingly uneventful. I arrived at Eden, not really wanting to stay at Bega where they make the cheese, after A had reminded me of some murders there not too long ago (thanks...) so I stopped a bit before.

I remember coming through here last time, Monny and Riff Raff keeping those puns a-coming, and talking about that song, In-a-gadda-da-vida, I can't remember which band it was by, but they were so drugged at the time that when trying to say 'In the Garden of Eden' it came out 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida'. Funny. Anyone know the name of the band? It's going to bug me now.

Simple hotel room, a good book (statred readingTterry Pratchett, thanks again to A) and early bed time. Tried to ring a few people, the old Tyrant in particular, I hadn't heard from him in ages.

Found myself talking about him a little more as I got closer to Sydney, although I have a better chance of crying alone at the moment. It's like the location emits some kind of radiation that I can't avoid, and the closer I get, the more the confused memories and the pain seems to return.

But he wasn't answering his phone.

In better news, TG got a job. Rang him to say congratulations and stuff... my feelings for him are still in a state of flux. It's a lot easier to love from 3000kms away, and similarly to the thing with T, it gets harder to know whether I really do feel this way, the closer I get, and a conversation on Tuesday night about sparks surely didn't console me... I don't know if there is a spark. Maybe we are just amazingly good friends.

He wants me to move in with him. What do I do? It's even harder to say no as I don't have anywhere to go, I don't have a place lined up when I get to Brisbane.

Why are these things all so confusing??

Tuesday's drive was equally uneventful, and I arrived in Thirroul just out of Wollongong around eight in the evening, to stay with another friend that had offered me the night only a couple of days before. I've only actually slept four nights in accomodation for the entire trip, the rest has been and will be wth friends. How lucky I am.

J is someone I met on the internet, my main mailing list, and over the past little while we've come to know each other a lot better, he's another one of those instant friends, the kind that occupy a space close to you even though they only appeared yesterday.

He was on the phone to the Tyrant as I walked in the door, who I spoke to after him, for the first time in nearly three months... the conversation flowed beautifully, we both fell into it as easily as we always had, and he stepped into that place comfortably close to my centre that he used to occupy... I had to gasp and step back. It was only when we stopped talking that the hole reappeared, space again for the bitter feelings and pain to well up. They didn't feel qiute as sharp, but it will still be a while before they leave me entirely.

We're going to have lunch tomorrow or Friday. It's going to take me that long to prepare for the hug.

We had promised each other a D and M somewhere along the line, and the night turned into something along those lines...

J's house was colourfully decorated, throw rugs and cushions, fish tank on top of a CD rack housing an amazing collection, pot plants, picture frames... four remote controls on the coffee table, unbelievable amounts of gadgetry meticulously arranged in the kitchen...

It screamed homebody, homemaker, happy family... my antithesis?

But perhaps not...

As We talked... and I knew his initial nonchalance was like the house, what he wanted to be rather than what he was. All is not well in paradise.

I wish I was a better friend so that I could be there for him more, but if he chooses to talk to me again, I will always make the time for him. He's a good person, I feel really badly for him, and I kind of wished I wasn't still in that space between knowing him well enough to have a D and M, but not well enough to give him a hug.

I think, for my part, he found out some things about T he didn't know, even though he's one of his good friends. The night was like a bonding experience, and I hope that he will be more than a single serving friend in my life.

So we're at today... I'm in a slightly more user friendly net cafe, they tend to be a bit cheaper in Sydney too, more of them. I was in this net cafe a couple of months ago. The familiarity of this place steadily grows... yet somehow, despite feeling almost comfortable here now, I think I'm leaning towards moving to Melbourne now. Ah, we'll see...

Time to catch up with another old friend, who I stayed with last time - C. I'm staying with her tonight and tomorrow, may my nights again be filled with talking and music :)

Before After

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