The Church Mouse at job #1 asked me yesterday whether I was taking extra holidays over the Easter break (a number of people have taken the three days between Easter Monday and ANZAC day, ten days off for the price of three)...

I said no, I didn't need to - I have two days off in a row and that's more than I've had in ages, so I'm fucking overjoyed. To which she replied "That's like a normal weekend, like what normal people have all the time you know..."

So I'm not normal. I came to that conclusion long ago and it no longer bothers me. It is, however, slightly disturbing that I'm making lists in order to cope with the vast expanse of free time in front of me this weekend.

What do people do with free time anyway? How the fuck should I know?

What I do know is that my debt is lower than it's been since 1998, and I'm kicking it's arse. Can't wait until I'm debtless and free as a bird...

So the guy from upstairs just came down for a chat. He keeps a lizard - a bearded dragon, which I adore - and I think he might have mistaken my interest in the lizard for interest in him. He was also drunk again - been using wine as a pain killer since he sprained his ankle.

I have no problems with drunkeness, provided that it doesn't result in a man ten years my senior sitting on my couch, rambling about nothing, forgetting my name, and telling me that he finds redheads quite attractive.

So I've had a few Greek-related fantasies over the past couple of days, while the tarot readings tell me to wake up to myself and I duly ignore them... I'm okay. Really. I've accepted the fact that nothing will change, and I've accepted the fact that our paths are never going to converge in a way that would result in happiness for both of us...

But you know, it doesn't stop me from loving him, it doesn't stop me from wanting to kiss him, and it doesn't stop me from breathing in big breaths of him when I do see him.

It does stop me from moving on, and this is the end I'm trying to achieve right now. I need to be alone, so it helps that I know I can't have the one person I do desire, it keeps my situation under control. I can't handle people right now - I have a lot to do, a path to follow, and it's going to take someone pretty fucking awesome to divert my attention.

You know, I'd still go to Greece if he asked me to. He'd need to do a bit of work to regain my trust and all, but I think I'd go...

It's wierd though. Why, when I am doing my best to be repellant to the male of the species, am I seemingly attracting them in droves just now? What is it about uncaring bitch vibes that seem to draw men like the proverbial moths to the flame... do they really find that attractive, or am I just really bad at generating uncaring bitch vibes?

Or do they, like the Healer, see some kind of vision of the way I'd like to be, rather than the way I am? I don't like the way that man apparently sees straight through me. I don't like the idea that he might of figured me out, and that he still likes me anyway.

Fuckety fuck.

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