Finally! I swear it's been over an hour that I've been trying to write this thing since Diaryland was 'overloaded' or whatever... meh. I found this in the meantime... hehee :)

Things have been full of highs and lows over the past few days but I've come to expect this as the norm lately. I suppose we can start with the lows... the Boy received a phone call on Friday from his mother... I hadn't called her as I was supposed to, and there was no mention of that but it didn't need to be mentioned - I am in the bad books. Although the Boy provided her with very little information (basically that we'd called off our engagement for the time being, that it was a mutual decision and we still love one another), this has been twisted into something which is "my loss if I don't want him" and that the Boy should move back to Sydney as he now has "nothing in Brisbane". I can't keep up with this woman, honestly... a mere couple of months ago whe was busy telling me what a wonderful influence I had been on his life. I guess I am no longer the golden girl, I'm responsible for breaking her baby's heart and forcing him to leave his job to be with me... never mind the fact that his moving here was his idea entirely, that he is not heartbroken and we are on great terms, and that he actually wants to stay in Brisbane. I really hope he does, I hope more than anything he does not allow himself to be bullied into moving back down there. We're expecting a fair bit of pressure in the next few weeks though.

So after that phone call, for the first time the Boy was musing that maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all for me to come down to Sydney with him (although officially the mother "doesn't care either way" whether I do or don't) and I am really, really annoyed that I gave up my volunteer position at Woodford to book the bloody flight to Sydney! Especially after I've been reading the programme of who's on this year... bugger! So I decided to call the volunteer coordinator and see what the chances of getting my job back were... and so far, not sure. The lovely lady told me they were full, but there are always dropouts and that she would see what she could do about putting me on the wait list. Words cannot express just how annoyed I am about all of this crap... I had a great job and a season pass lined up and I passed it up to spend Christmas with a woman who is now doin her best to defame me to the entire family since I am no longer marrying her little boy. At least I won't have her as a mother-in-law...

I have to say that his dad's side of the family are being great, after they heard what was going on with his mum they rang to say that as far as they're concerned I'm a lovely girl and nothing changes and I am still welcome at their house (they had me in tears!)

Although I'm really annoyed about the Woodford situation (keep fingers crossed that I can still go!), the family situation is not bothering me overly. If I don't get a job at Woodford I may still go to Sydney... undecided, but I hate seeing a plane ticket go to waste... and I'll not let the mother bother me, she cannot manipulate me in the way that she manipulates her kids. I just hope the Boy stands up for what he wants.

Moving right along... I've decided on the TESOL course that I want to do, and though I am still a few hundred short on the fee I hope to register tomorrow and get it started! I also had an interview this morning with a guy from an English school in Japan... it seemed like a decent job but even if I get a second interview I'm still leaning towards doing the course and making my own way there, because from what I can tell, although I'll get training I won't get a certificate qualification which may limit my employment opportunities after that contract is over. Plus, long hours... although it was strangely coincidental that the school is located in the Guma prefecture, very close to where Sunny grew up on Myobashi - these would be two of the few place names I'd recognise in Japan. Odd.

Yesterday I caught up with a friend who has been overseas for over a year, travelling throughout Asia and Europe and it sounded like he had an amazing time, even the tough times seemed like a big adventure when he looked back... I could have listened to him talk for hours, my insides ached as he told me of the things he'd seen and done...

The Boy and I have been pretty good lately, we've been close and I have been realising just how much I am going to miss him, really truly miss him... I still wonder from time to time whether I really did everything that I could, whether we could have tried harder to make things work, whether I should have given more time. I was told a story yesterday by the Painter, her father going through horrible things in his marriage and I wonder how people last so long in these circumstances, how it is that I am so picky and so intolerant... or maybe I'm just strong and bold enough to know what I do and do not want? I wish I knew that for sure... I still wonder from time to time, in the peaceful moments when we hold one another, whether I am doing the right thing or whether I will truly not realise what I had until it was gone... but there are also reassuring moments... and mostly in the moments when I am on my own I look forward, not back, and I am swept away in the romance of me making my way around the world on my own, just as I always wanted to. It is what I have wanted for so long and I am on the very brink of doing it!

In other good news, I was very excited to discover on Saturday that I now fit into my sexy dancing pants again. It's been at least a year since they've really fitted me properly. Funny, because I don't feel especially thinner, but I must be... I've lost a lot of muscle tone, but I've also been getting back into my yoga lately, which feels pretty good :)

And the best news for last... I found my uni results online last night, and all my hard work paid off, even in the overloaded semester - I scored three distinctions and two high distinctions! I am just so unbelievably stoked about that - I finish my course with a 6.22 GPA (of a possible 7) and I should receive a dean's commendation for my efforts! I cannot express how happy I am about it all... it could even be scholarship worthy... but I have decided that should one be offered, I'd probably turn it down anyway - I'm just not in the right frame of mind for any more study, despite my good results...

The time has come to move on to different things, I have decided, regardless of other temptations. The time has come indeed.

Just cross your fingers for me about Woodford though, okay, because if I'm leaving then I definitely want to make it there this year. It's all I need to work out for me now, because the rest seems to be happening fine :)

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