I've got another week of 6am starts this week, and possibly another after that. I'm pretty sorted into the routine, not so tired anymore, but it doesn't mean that I am enjoying it. Mostly it's just the fact that the Boy has another week of 3pm to 11pm, which means basically that we won't be having any conversations other than the sleepy, mumbled kind until Friday night.

I have to admit though that the conversations over the weekend weren't the best though... we seemed to be getting on one another's bad side more often than not, with one argument for each of two main recurring issues, the first being sex, and the second being that I apparently always change my mind and confuse him. We always talk, and we always seem to conclude amicably enough, but as to whether anything gets actually resolved... it's tough you know. I love him, I still want him to be the person I finish with, but I think as days go by we both question this idea more and more. Are we both just afraid to let go? Just been reading Mystie's page, and her observation that you only change things when you're forced to do so, and bloody hell that has so much truth for me... it certainly has in the past, and perhaps I am feeling the same sensations now... and we've got this enforced separation thing happening when I go to Japan, so I think in some ways we're both kind of hanging on because it's just a couple of months and I really do believe that some answers will come from this time apart... hope desperately...

Anyway, I make it sound like I have had a bad weekend. We actually had a really good time with one another on the weekend, 95% of the time. That's the thing, 95% of the time I am enraptured in this guy, but that other 5% just drives me insane on occasion... seems to carry more weight or something... but we enjoyed ourself. We looked at laptops and it appears viable that I may be able to buy myself one for overseas, which is good news since I'd rather do that here that attempt to do so with limited Japanese. We watched a whole lotta DVDs, one of them being 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', finally, which hit home in just too many ways to count...

The living situation has occasionally been tense, the Boy and I and my Grandad were involved in a somewhat heated debate over a news article on Sunday... it was somewhat amusing, my Grandad is so stubborn and just would not accept another point of view, but managed to twist his way around so that when we did agree on a point, which happened to be the one the Boy and I were originally making, he twisted things around so that somehow he believed it was us conceding his point and not the other way around. My Grandad is one of the older generation rather set in his ways and I have to say there have been times that I've held my tongue when he's expressed certain opinions. The slightly upsetting part is that my Grandad now believes the Boy is argumentative and is avoiding conversation with him... even though the three of us were involved in the argument (if anything, me more than the Boy)... we had a bit of a talk about this when I got home this afternoon, so I think Grandad's feeling somewhat better, and he apologised to me for being so argumentative... I think the problem really is that the Boy and my Grandad are quite alike in their stubborness...

Living with Grandad also has other trials... I'm trying to be understanding, but really he does drive me round the bend sometimes. What it boils down to is that the man is lonely... he'll come into my room to tell me something he's already mentioned several times, just to give him an excuse to come and talk to someone. Even though I understand the motives I find it frustrating at times and have to really make an effort not to be snappy towards him... doesn't that sound horrible? I know, I know... I'll be there too someday. I've been contemplating though how important it was to me a couple of years back to learn to live alone, and how I love my own company, and hope so much that it's a life-long ability because there probably will come a time when I'll be on my own also...

And in the meantime, the battle with the real estate agent continues... money has been deducted from our bond for cleaning and the Boy is adamant he wants to contest it. I think I'd probably just roll over and pay the money, but I have to admit that deep down I think he's doing the right thing, these bastards screw over too many people and they count on people like me giving in... someone's got to at least put up a fight.

I had meant to nap this afternoon so that I might be able to wake up and spend an hour or so with the Boy when he got home, but unfortunately it just didn't happen, so I guess it's zombie conversations again tonight... *sigh*

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