I can't even write about this really... but things have been going from bad to worse with my grandfather, and it's seriously eating away at me because I really don't like him very much anymore. I want to have as little to do with him as possible. It's grown into more than him being set in his ways or clingy or whatever, he's been downright rude and nasty. My stuff is going to be stored here for a year and I am finding that I don't really want it to be, I don't want to have to come back here for my gear, I am not interested in knowing him right now... and all that makes me feel sick with guilt and self-disgust because he's family and I shouldn't feel this way about him, but I can't help it. The worst part about it is that although I am probably behaving quite badly and the Boy is being civil to his toes, he's getting the blame for everything that Grandad does not like. I am female, and I am family, and therefore I am judged by different standards. he's been a right arsehole to the Boy... I can't believe I just called my grandfather an arsehole... but he has been treating him very badly and it's making me extremely angry...

*phew*... breathe in, breathe out... only three more days...

The Boy and I, on the other hand, are going from strength to strength, and I'm already feeling the sadness for being away for a year, and I haven't even gone yet. My visa finally came through on Friday though, I should be receiving it very soon :)

This may be my last week of 6am starts, or it may not be... the Boy has registered with a new agency and it looks like he might be getting some better work and decent hours... things are looking up but right now, something's got to give because I am seriously fuming... considering a visit to the float centre...

Can't write no more, gonna go talk to mama...

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