Life's been throwing me a few curve balls lately. Nothing major bad, just odd things that don't fit into neat little boxes as they should; dilemmas; things that seemingly can't result in a win-win situation under current circumstances...

An old ghost. Sunny. She's not dead, but sometimes I do forget to think about her nowadays... though when she wanders into the front of my mind again I get stuck on it and it occupies so much of my thought that I end up dreaming about her. I am living not 20 minutes from the city she was born in. I sent her mum a copy of my school's newspaper, thinking she might like to know how I am going and to read something in Japanese... and I got a card back from her. A couple of lines mentioned Sunny, almost merely in passing, saying that she's doing well and mentioning a person we both knew in high school that apparently she's reconnected with and become close to lately.

It was that which I seized on. She's seeing someone we knew in high school? Was it a chance meeting, or is she in the real world again? Likely a chance meeting, since neither of us were particularly friendly with the guy in high school... is she out of hiding? Didn't sound like it, and I'm sure I'd have a contact number or something for her as soon as it were possible. But I miss her. She was my best friend for a huge chunk of my life, and to have her just gone, to know she's doing well but have no idea where she is or even what she looks like these days... it gets to me.

I'm not sure what possessed me, but I googled the name of the high school guy... and found him. Seems like he's done alright for himself, seems like he'd be an interesting person to speak to... but none of this is in my head, only that I might be able to reach Sunny though him... I wonder whether (if she is still in hiding) she'd be able (or willing?) to reach back, whether people might still be watching and whether they might be watching me and my emails also... whether my trying to contact her could put her in jeopardy.

You know, I think I have lost her forever. I think, if she were going to come out of hiding, she would have to have done it by now... and I have a link, a lead to follow.

Dilemma #1: Should I?

Other stuff closer to home is also in my head. My local BF, Ms. CoWorker, is in Australia at the moment because her grandmmother died rather unexpectedly and she had to go back, and we've got stuff we need to talk about. Today, you see, I finally spoke to my boss about this year, and it looks like I will definitely be extending my contract for another year, since he has now given me the okay.

One catch. CW asked him if she could move out with her boyfriend, and Boss said he'd be happy with that... I also asked today, and the short of it is that only one of us can move out. We have a fourth coworker joining us in April, which means with three apartments and four co-workers, one of whom not living in company accommodation, it works out rather well... but if two of us want to move out, it means one of the apartments will have to go, and then a year later there is the hassle of finding another and paying bond and key money etc again...

CW, since she asked first, has first dibs on moving out. So, dilemma #2 is one that I actually have no control over, just have to wait and see what the verdict is. CW and her man are up and down and all over the place and lately there had been ominous talk about their future... but the chance of them moving in together is still there, and plausible.

I think I did something rotten tonight. I was chatting to her on MSN, and I told her about what the Boss said. She's home for her grandmother's funeral, I shouldn't have given her anything else to think about, but I am terribly bad at keeping things from people, even for their own good. She didn't seem too worried about it at the moment, said she wouldn't worry about it until she got back here, I think she'll be fine...

And I don't want my situation to influence her decision whether or not to move in with her boyfriend, and I know I've really just got to wait and be patient to see how it pans out... but I am also terribly impatient and I am dying to have the issue resolved. I need to know if I need to find alternative ways to move in with the boy, because there is no way in hell that I am gonna spend another year here with us living separately. It's hard enough now... more than anything, it's just the practicality of it. When we spend every night together anyway it's insane to just go on this way, constantly living out of an overnight bag and never spending enough time in my own house.

Anyway, nothing major I guess, things just feel messy at the moment and it seems that there is little I can do but hope that the pieces fall in the right places eventually.

Before After

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