The Boy is doing a lunch shift today while I am enjoying my only day off this week. It occurred to me that it's been quite a long time since I did a five day working week, and even though I worked a lot harder when studying, somehow this feels more exhausting. I'm going to be damn tired when I start work in Japan.

I slept in big time this morning... did a few hours of gardening (weeding) yesterday before going to work last night... oh my god, did I make the fuck up of the century at work last night, I felt so horrible, although it was kind of funny in a really politically incorrect way. We had a group of people come in for dinner late-ish, they looked Indonesian to me, or maybe Indian... anyway, they spoke another language amongst themselves (couldn't hear what) and their English was heavily accented. I took their order, and while the other waitress was clearing away their meal they complained that they'd ordered a certain dish with prawns, but it had been served to them with chicken instead, to which she replied "oh no, that was pork", as that was what I'd written down - I'd obviously misheard them. They were quite shocked, and explained to her that it was against their religion to eat pork... and they'd eaten the whole plateful, thinking it was chicken. How bad did I feel! The four of us had no idea what to do, among the Boss's suggestions were "tell them that waitress is incompetent and she's finishing next week" (because I am), or "just tell them it was really chicken" (too late for that anyway)... in the end I said I would go out and apologise and ask what we could do to make it up to them. Thankfully, they were really pretty good about it, they were having a little laugh over the misunderstanding and said it was lucky their parents were not there with them, and accepted a free dish as compensation... and I guess once we realised they were laughing we had a bit of a laugh too, more a relieved laugh than anything else. At least it wasn't as bad as the other waitress accidentally charging $4,000 to someone's credit card one night when it was really busy...

Today is one of those hideously hot, sticky days again, where the cold water comes out of the shower tap luke-warm... I had a cold shower ten minutes ago and the water has already dried on me. This morning the Boy climbed onto the couch with me and held me for almost an hour, mostly in silence. In the few moments of conversation we were musing once more about what's going to happen when I leave, what's going to happen when I come back... neither of us have any idea even what we want to happen. We seem to have fallen out of sync again... yesterday I was nearly late for work again because he'd been dawdling and this has happened quite a few times now... I've been annoyed about it enough times that I would have thought it should no longer be happening. As I sped my way to work it made me quite sad, I was thinking about how I really want him to be the one, I really do, but it just seems like nothing ever changes. He probably thinks the same way about my shortcomings that frustrate him. Maybe it never will change... I don't know. Sometimes it does, enough to make me think that we could make it work...

The other night he had a work shift from 10pm to 5am, and I remember having this immediate reaction that I didn't want to spend the night without him, to sleep alone... I talked to myself, told myself it wouldn't be that bad and I actually had the best night sleep I have had in ages. Could this apply to the whole relationship? Perhaps... I think I'll be forced to consider that when I'm in Japan.

Lately I've had this weird paranoid fear that I'm going to get pregnant (even though I'm on the Pill) and I won't be able to go to Japan, or I'll have to come home early... I think it sprang from something the reiki guy at Woodford said about the energies in my body, he felt that my body was preparing to be pregnant or something... kind of freaked me out. I'm trying to tell myself I have no reason to fear it, I'm doing everything I can, but it's still weird...

This morning I've been bumming around a bit... I think I'll get into some Japanese after this. Been reading some blogs... there is a distinction between weblogs and online diaries, the former seem somewhat less personal... in my experience, anyway, don't know if that's really the case. Then reading the paper online, thinking about how it's been a while since I've read a newspaper and how bizarre the headlines and story content are... you've got "Thwaites stands by dog poo claim" next to "Big Brother hopefuls audition" and "Forty dead in bus crash"... this all in the 'Breaking News' section. It's no wonder I don't read these things more often. Saw earlier this week that Labor leader Mark Latham had quit politics... Kim Beazley contending and looks like regaining leadership, despite having lost two elections already... somehow I don't think he'll make things any better. I stand by my claim that the only reason our current government got re-elected again was lack of a suitable alternative, but things still ain't looking too good... it's scary.

Amazing how I can find ways to procrastinate when there ain't that much to do anyway... back to the Japanese, then.

Before After

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