Yesterday I finally, finally got to speak to my mum for an hour or so, yay! We have been continually missing one another for weeks, but now we have a day and a time for talking so it shouldn't happen again. Everything seems pretty good at her end, which is a plus, even my sister... that is, as much as she ever is.

I've been thinking a lot about my sister today and the thing is I never really know if she is okay, perhaps she never really is. I was trying to tell CoWorker about her today and there are no words for her... strange, beautiful, troubled... they all get somewhere close.

Anyway, I found out yesterday that the reason Sis shaved her head six months ago was because her hair was actually falling out in chunks... and the reason that was happening was because she was receiving radiation treatment. She doesn't have cancer, she was treated with radiation because her body was dangerously close to toxic shock. It would have to be well over a year ago now, perhaps closer to two, that she fell over while carrying a bottle and ended up with shards of glass embedded in her arm. They thought they had all of them out, but then kept finding other bits in her months later, and as her body battled the infection she developed blood poisoning... she was not a very well little chicken for a long time. As it turns out, she was worse than we knew... she didn't tell anyone because she didn't want to freak them out.

She's always been a little fragile health-wise I think... but I do wonder where her head is at too. Sis has some strange abilities, for example I know that she can see ghosts. Considering she works in a hospital, this has become a pretty major part of her daily life I think. She also has some pretty severe and vivid nightmares, I remember about this time last year when she visited me in Brisbane she had one and was convinced she was going to die on the flight home, to the point where she spent a day desperately trying to arrange alternatives... she ended up going with the original plan, and obviously didn't die, but I wonder about her other dreams, whether she has seen things that did come true...

And then there was the night in Adelaide, a party, can't remember when... I was antisocial, went to bed early, and Sis came bouncing into the room, jumped into the bed beside me... she told me that she was going to die young, someone had told her and she believed them, she knew it... she told me that she couldn't wait, either. She was perfectly enthused about it all and I couldn't be sad but she had me thinking about it for such a long time because she believed it so fully, and at that moment I believed her too.

I don't know if I do anymore, but I do worry about her a hell of a lot. She's the type of person who will go out of her way for others, and is always far too willing to take on the crap that other people dish out, and she's the type of person that looks like she can handle anything, but she's a lot more fragile than she looks... and though she's spent the majority of her life trying to mother me (and let's face it, I'm the one who looks like I need it if someone had to choose between us, it's pretty much everyone's impression) I feel fiercely protective of that girl. She's the sort of person that you just never know what it's going to be next. If I could tell the world to leave her the fuck alone, I would.

Just like when we were kids and the doctor gave her an injection and made her cry... I gave him the biggest slap a three year old could muster. We've had our ups and downs between then and now, even spending several years in our childhood beating the shit out of each other... but I still want to slap anything or anyone that's gonna hurt her.

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