So I woke up on Sunday with a sore throat, and the first thing I thought of was 'what is it that I should be saying that I am not?'.

Certainly nothing to the Writer lying beside me, although that has been a rather strange twist of events... well, perhaps not so strange, but faster than I imagined. I need to write more about this, but I haven't the time now, so that's a story for another day...

As Sunday progressed my body steadily fell apart... just when I thought I was actually adjusting to sleep deprivation, my body had the last laugh. The flu thing took hold and I slept over 12 hours on Sunday night, and about nine last night...

I've been waking in the middle of the night, which I rarely do. I've been remembering my dreams, which I rarely do. I remember one in which the Boy featured, and so I called him this morning, to make an appointment to speak to him properly via webcam later...

He is fine. He is getting work in television commercials. He is exploring his options as far as uni is concerned. He wants to go visit the kitty, still hasn't gotten around to it. I thought it was sweet that he still wants to visit my cat, he says that he thinks the kitty is kind of his too (I would beg to differ, I've known that cat for ten years to his one, and ten years is longer than I have known most people, including him... but I don't say this). I make some lame joke about him explaining to the kitty that mummy and daddy don't live together anymore, and get an awkward laugh.

All the while I am thinking... does this need to be said just now? Because I know I told him that it was not like I was breaking up with him to see other people, if we broke up it was because of me, my issues, my need to be alone which plagues me steadily over the years... I can't tell him that I am seeing a lot of another person, indeed maybe I am even 'seeing' another person, to put a label to it... I didn't mean to be seeing another person, but here I am. Not that saying that would make any difference... it would really hurt him.

I can't, and I don't.

And yet, I am fond of telling people that I am nothing if not honest... so I guess this makes me nothing.

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