So, I'm here in Adelaide and feeling somewhat ambivalent about it, I have to say. Day three and the novelty of sleeping for as long as I like has worn off. I think mostly I just feel a bit useless... I have a handful of people to catch up with here, some of whom I haven't seen in years and some of whom I probably have nothing in common with except old times. I have so many people in Brisbane that I'd like to see before I leave and I'll be cramming that into a week and a half before I go... I really could have planned this better. I know my family wanted me here for longer and I love spending time with my family but they do have their own lives and there's only so much time they have to give me anyway... I feel like I'm here for too long. Leaving early is out of the question though, I timed it to be here for mum's birthday on the 15th and I won't leave before then... I leave on the 19th. Four days may make a difference though... at least I'd have two weeks back in Brisbane before I leave for good. I'll have to think about that.

Anyway, although it seems like I'm desperate to leave things have been good here, I've spent a fair bit of time with mum and Ric and with my Sis so far. Been wandering around the Central Markets, saw Sis's new place which is really nice, had dinner out at a nice restaurant, but mostly just been really lazy and bummed around. I guess I could really be using this time to study Japanese a bit more... I will get there, eventually.

Been missing the Boy, not particularly acutely because I'm being rational about this (as in, I'd better get used to it anyway :) but I do notice when he's not around. So far we've spoken on the phone every day anyway, and it's strange that whenever we're on the phone things seem so good between us... it reminds me of when that was our only method of communication, back in the beginning when things were all shiny and new between us... perhaps this is why it feels so good and comforting. Last week was not one of our best I must say, but even so the closer I get to leaving 'for good' the more I feel that I don't want to leave him. Last week we were wondering whether our big incompatibility would ever be resolved, and I still don't know the answer to that one... however, I can't deny the change in him now that he's at uni and I wonder how this could change 'us', I feel as though it could only be the better for both of us, were he to get his life together a bit...

And he reckons women are confusing. I'm sure as hell still trying to figure him out. And myself. I'm trying to figure out why it is that hearing 'Goddess on a Hiway' still makes me want to cry.

I always thought that I was too wilful and that I needed freedom... but it occurred to me that I don't actually feel restricted at all in my relationship with the Boy. After all, I'm going to Japan and he says he'll be there when I get back. After all, our plans and desires are so very similar... can it really be that bad to have to consider two people instead of just myself anyway?

Before After

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