Today I visited a shrine near the base of a mountain, surrounded by lush forest... an uneven stone stairway lead through the tree trunks, up and up and up through the red gates to a Buddhist temple decorated with gold dragons and bright colours. I had washed my hands and my mouth with the icy cold water at the bottom before climbing up the stairs; I intended to pray. I threw in a coin as an offering, bowed, forgot to clap as you are supposed to (to let the spirits know that you are there) but I think they knew I was there anyway, I could feel a tingling down my spine. I sent away my thoughts, bowed and left.
I have never been religious, never been brought up that way, have been through little phases where I thought I was a Christian, a Wiccan, whatever... my conclusion thus far is that I am a spiritual person, and that the only religion I need follow is the one within that tells me what's right and wrong and where I need to go. I also believe that all religions are basically one and the same, just different paths to the same destination, so it is not really for me to try to name what I believe, to give myself a label and a pigeonhole... naming things makes things easier, but I think it also makes them harder... I mean, if all religions are essentially the same thing, the many different names cause a hell of a lot of problems...
I think it is because of this that I have no qualms about accepting communion in an Anglican church, or chanting Hindu mantras, or praying at a Buddhist shrine. They're not things that I do on a regular basis (what you might call 'religously') but if I do, I do so with reverence.
Although I've never been Christian I have always liked churches, especially if I am in there on my own. I like the energy (in most of the ones I have come across anyway) and I like the quiet. I have realised that the quiet is a big aspect of spirituality, for me... and the quiet I feel in the middle of a forest or the top of a snow-capped mountain feels no less spiritual than in a church. Perhaps it is because in today's world, the quiet is so rare... that particular sort of quiet. Even in your house with no music on you can hear cars in the street and neighbours TVs and that kind of quiet is more irritating than anything else... there is a special kind of dead quiet that feels heavy, and that's the spiritual kind. It makes you feel isolated... but not. Nowhere and everywhere all at once (although it's not just the quiet - I have had the nowhere and everywhere experience in the midst of dancing once or twice...).
Anyway, today I was at a Buddhist shrine in the middle of the forest and the quiet was like a blanket over me, keeping me comforted. I felt the quiet today, and in those moments I felt so relaxed and calm and okay. Everything was okay.
If I pray, it is always for the same thing - that I am on the right path. I can't bring myself to pray for anything specific because I've been a victim of my wishes coming true before (you really should be careful what you wish for...) so I just ask that I am on the right path, and sometimes for some kind of confirmation that I am on the right path. It's a dumb thing to ask for really, because if you believe in fate (in some form) and the idea that things happen for a reason, then of course you are on the right path, no matter what you are doing. Sometimes a little confirmation is a nice thing though.
I have no idea about the specifics, only the big picture. Being on the right path is the only thing that I can ask for, because it's all that I want.

Before After

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