Kinda ironic, last weekend I was the one storming out of the bar at 2am... this week it was the Writer's turn, and it became our first ever real fight - as in, the first time that I woke up beside him the following morning and I wasn't sure if he wanted me there, or if I wanted to be there.

It was strange, because we'd just had the most gorgeous three days away together in Nikko, a beautiful city about two and a half hours from where I live, up in the mountains. It is a very old part of Japan, with lots of temples and shrines that have been around for hundreds of years and lots of ties to famous figures in history - for example, the first shogun is entombed in Nikko. We spent the days wandering around shrines, driving through the mountains, looking at lakes and waterfalls and misty moors and it was just so beautiful... and as it happened, Friday was our four month anniversary too. It was so perfect that I thought I might burst from sheer happiness.

And then home on Saturday, and out on Saturday night... it was a bit of a strange one to begin with, the bar was packed with people that we didn't really know, lots of newcomers, and I guess the vibe was somewhat odd... but things were going fine and the music was better than usual and I was just beginning to enjoy myself properly when the Writer told me that he was leaving, NOW. I don't know really what happened, undoubtedly the stupidity of people in general was getting to him as it usually does...

I shouldn't have left, but I left with him, because much as I wanted to stay I wanted to be with him more. Still, I was annoyed at leaving before I wanted to. We walked and he ranted and here's where it gets kind of blurry for me, because I wasn't exactly sober, even though he was far more drunk than I... it's kind of annoying me now, because I can't even remember exactly what we were fighting about. I remember trying to get him to tell me exactly what the problem was and he couldn't, he was just spewing forth venom about the world at large. He must have said something which I took personally because I remember refusing to hold his hand and he stormed ahead of me. I let him, and when we got back to his place I went to my car instead of his room. I was alert enough to know that I couldn't drive home, but I was fully prepared to sleep in the car if he didn't come out and get me... and he nearly didn't, I heared him swearing profusely in the car park and walking away, so I got out and shouted profanity back at him because it seemed to be all I could do to bring him back, as strange as that sounds... it worked though.

We slept in the same bed as always. Sunday was weird, but we had dinner and we talked and there is no permanent harm done... and all this over a fight that neither of us can particularly remember anyway. For me I think it was more the fact that it wasn't the first time he's left the bar in a funk over the rampant stupidity of people... I don't know, maybe I'm a bit more easygoing when it comes to accepting the failings of other people, because heaven knows I have enough of my own and it's not my place to pass judgment. I think I said something to him on Sunday about being more tolerant, to which he said he was afraid it might make him apathetic... I can't see that ever happening though. There's a balance somewhere.

I want so much to be there for him, but not at my own expense... what can I say, I am certainly not the girl I used to be, I'm not afraid to stand up for myself nowadays. I have rarely fought in relationships in the past, mostly because I've been more willing to let things slide, even when they really bothered me. I am not willing to do that anymore I guess, and I am happy about that. And conflict is not so terrible if you're both willing to listen and the person is worth fighting for.

When all is said and done, I certainly don't love him any less, I love the man that he is and I love his passion and I love the fact that the word 'sorry' is in his vocabulary because that is a highly desirable characteristic in a boyfriend :)

No permanent damage.

Before After

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